Lost Hat

A few years ago I acquired a free hat at a local fair. I cannot tell you how much I love free hats. I find them along my travels and collect them like souvenirs. This particular hat was thrown into the audience during a dog show and my daughter was lucky enough to grab it. I was lucky, because it fit me instead.

This hat slowly became my crutch. If I didn’t want to “do” my hair, I would wear my hat. Which I would endearingly call my “hat hat”. Well, I might be painting a rosier picture than what really was. I think I would actually say in times of distress after looking into the mirror, “Where in the !@$& is my hat hat!! This perfect hat slowly crept into all of my pictures, too. I realize it may have been becoming a fashion problem for me.

A few weeks ago, I misplaced my hat. I saw it and then “poof” it was gone. I cannot find it anywhere. My despair over this is running pretty deep at the moment.  I have looked everywhere. The missing status of my hat really put me in a compromised position, because it has forced me to attempt to “do” something with my hair. And my missing hat unfortunately, brought another glaring issue to the forefront.  Hi. My name is Amy and I have terrible hair, just terrible.

My siblings have wonderful thick, mostly straight hair. I don’t. My hair is the opposite of pretty. It’s fine, curly, and it defies any attempt to look “done”. I mostly look homeless, even when I try to style it. I thought that if I grew it long that it would look better, but that proved not to be true. And without my hat to cover it up, I needed to do something. So, I shopped for another hat. Regrettably, I have turned into “Goldilocks”, with the hats sitting too high on my head, or too low on my ears.  I have bought three hats so far, but have decided that I just do not like them and they make me appear a bit more destitute than my hair does alone.

My lost hat has had a snowball effect that set things into motion that can’t be undone  and I made a rash decision that I will just have to live with for the next several months.  I decided I would get my hair cut.  It looked really good on paper or should I say when I saw the picture of the haircut with someone else’s hair.

However,  I tried to do my best to look at other girls that have similar hair types, but horribly this haircut that I decided to pick didn’t translate to my hair. Six inches less and later, I have a cold neck and barley can fit my strands into a puny ponytail. My daughter almost cried when she saw me and has demanded ever since that I keep my remaining hair pulled back.  I don’t blame her.

My plight to find my missing hat continues. Now I need it more than ever! I understand that this might have been the universe’s sick attempt at an intervention, but come on! I think the recent consequences were not even imagined by the mere loss of one hat. I am in the process of making flyers and stapling them to telephone polls surrounding the vicinity near my home, like the flyers I typically see when people are searching for lost dogs or cats. All I ask is that my hat be returned.  I promise to wear it  only for the next 4- 6 months, and I will then do my best to find it a forever home.