I ran across a doughy man wearing a NASA shirt beating the crap out of a parking meter this week. Is this what has become of our space program? I wondered if gravity was bringing this man down and pissing him off or if it really was the parking meter at the root of his rage. I could only guess, because asking him didn’t seem like a logical option at the time. I do see these reactions play out in public sometimes. Attacking a parking meter seems more reasonable than smacking the meter reader, I guess. I have been a victim or should I say perpetrator of this too. It wasn’t a parking meter, but many, many other objects that I am too embarrassed to mention.
Recently, I bought a home and I have been struggling with my reactive response to stuff that disappoint me. This could be the roof in my garage, my cabinet door that fell of it’s track, my fence and many other things I hope to fix. All these things are different and need various remedies to correct. I don’t have the “know how” and I will hire someone to help repair these assorted irritations. This isn’t important though. What is important is the emotional response they bring up when I encounter these breaking or broken fixtures in my house. The response is not anger or even frustration most of the time. To describe it correctly, I have to use the words of my co-worker who said one day that some “thing” hurt his feelings. I can’t remember exactly what “it” was. However, I completely understand this concept. As I stand under my leaky roof or in front or my drooping fence I realize that these things do totally hurt my feelings. My self esteem is completely affected the same way as if a school yard bully just pushed me down at recess.
I find myself, especially on weekends, standing before these house imperfections feeling woefully inadequate. I can totally understand feeling this way while staring at a new born, or when attempting to manage tasks from a new job. However, I should not feel personally assaulted by a dripping faucet. I understand these issues are the joys of home ownership and I am trying to radically accept all of this. In this present moment I am putting together a agenda of things that need to be addressed with my therapist. I will give this same list to my repair man too:)